How to Get Over a Major Hurt

Thorny experiences are challenging. Bruised memories of a taxing ordeal linger on like a bad dream even after grinding through the pain and discomfort.

This baggage not only casts a negative shadow, it takes up space.  Living with a past hurt is like having a dreary dungeon-like room in your home so crammed full of unsightly objects you cannot get in to open a window and let the sun shine in.

Ridding yourself of the urge to ruminate over painful experiences takes some extra effort. Think pageantry or radical action. Recently I read about a practice called a sorrow bonfire.  I never was much of a Campfire Girl but the idea appeals to me.There is power in fire. Take your painful experience and commit it to paper. Trek out to the beach or a campsite and create a bonfire.

Bring some friends along to witness the event. With sincere reflection toss your missive into the fire.  As you watch the document go up in flames, reflect on the fact it’s been reduced to ash. It can no longer throw a dark pallor over your life.

Sometimes you just need to beat the crap out of a huge hurt.

Years ago, when I felt my stress and frustration level mounting, I’d head out to a local game room. Upon entering I’d make a beeline for a game involving a soft mallet used to beat down pop-up gophers. Smacking those little guys back in their hole was not only a fun stress reliever; I also racked up multiple valuable redeemable points. My next move was to gift some little person with tickets that could be converted into cute stuffed animals.

The smiles I received in return were worth the all the money I poured into the gopher machine. I left feeling joyful on the drive home.

In her book, “Happiness as a Second Language,” author Valerie Alexander offers up another interesting action to rid yourself of a painful experience. Fill a piñata with fun little treats.

Next hang it up and hammer your paper-mache image with all your might as you commit to letting go of the bad memory forever. Then scoop up the delights and share them with others.

Ready to leave your pain behind and move on? Try the bonfire or piñata or any other method that ends in joy. Let go of the hurt. It’s time, right?

6 thoughts to “How to Get Over a Major Hurt”

  1. Hi Sunny I’ve had a number of writer friends die this last few months and the combined deaths have had me thinking of how little time is left to a retired person. Think I’ll hold the bonfire and let it consume their names written with a permanent marker. Maybe that will ease their passing. Thanks for your thoughts.

  2. It is hard work letting go of a hurt caused by someone you loved. It’s a one day at a time effort – and sometimes a one hour at a time.
    I find taking an action totally opposite of my down feeling – not just ‘trying’ to change my thinking – helps me let go. Putting on ‘today’s hot hits’ on my TV and dancing around and laughing changes thought patterns better than most everything else.
    Thanks again Sunny.

  3. An excellent article on how to get over hurts. These hurts can sometimes effect our attitude negatively. Thank you for giving me some great ideas to brighten up my life?

  4. Somehow missed this one – and just wanted to let you know, enjoyed it! I think it could be for little hurts too if people linger on them – like the idea of releasing them!

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