Category: Tame Your Stress Gene

Categorically speaking, I’m the “goody two-shoes” type. If you’ve never met me, just take my word for it because part of my persona is sticking to the truth. I’ve never gotten a traffic ticket, ignored a jury duty summons or neglected to return my library books by the due date. I do have one naughty little secret to share with you, I play hooky. Not only do I believe in escaping what the world expects you to be on a given day, I highly recommend it.

Call it a mental health day, a Ferris Bueller lark or designated “me time,” refer to it by whatever name you choose, but do not deny yourself the occasional escape from your many obligations and duties.

Before you go too far off the beaten path, the good girl side of me must warn you about the rules. Granted, they are my rules, but I hope you will indulge me. First, understand that hooky is a special dispensation you grant the worn-out deserving inner you. It should not be abused or turned into a habit. I allow myself one (okay, maybe two) days per year. My second rule is select the day wisely. Careful planning is necessary so innocent people don’t suffer as a result of your absence.

For example, do not take personal time from work on the day an important project is due, no reneging on playing teacher’s helper the morning of your third grader’s field trip and do not dare cancel out an hour before your mother-in-law’s big birthday bash.

The third and most important rule: do something that gives you great joy. Escape to the beach with a picnic lunch or hide out in the library

and lose yourself in a racy novel. Check into a day spa, go fishing or drive to a nearby city and play tourist. Perhaps you’d rather bolt the doors and keep the world at bay. It’s perfectly fine to stay home and have a movie marathon with Netflix or your favorite DVD’s, watch the daytime soaps if you must, or rearrange your furniture if it would make you happy. The point of this day of freedom is to recharge and refresh.

One last rule: banish any thoughts of guilt from your mind. Hooky is an annual event if you follow my rules. Own it, strategically plan it and make it fun! The sole purpose is to relieve stress and prevent burn-out. It is a day of freedom rich with the significant benefit of blissful peace. Experience the joy and then return to your normal routine a happier you!

While dining in a local restaurant, I could not help but notice the scene created by the couple at the next table. The man was clearly intrigued with the digital menu the waiter presented him. After the couple ordered, he very patiently looked for the off button. The female diner, apparently well versed in the operation of this piece of technology, began rapidly issuing instructions and nearly leapt over the table to snatch it away and power it down. Our hero just smiled passively, ignored her and eventually found the off switch in his own sweet time. Two facts became evident. The first, he wanted to teach himself how to operate this new way of ordering dinner. Number two, his female companion had zero patience for his learning curve.

We’ve all been there… guilty of losing our patience over trivial matters, asserting our commands and vying for control. Patience is a skill. Conversely, impatience is an uncontrolled reaction that leads to frustration causing undue stress. The female companion in my story was visibly irritated. She might have saved herself some aggravation if she just sat back, enjoyed her drink and the ambiance of the establishment letting the gentleman complete the task on his own.

Stress is a reaction to events that upset your balance in life. We cannot escape stress. Sometimes it attacks us from all angles. It’s that out-of-control feeling experienced as you rush your child to the emergency room with a broken arm from falling off the jungle gym, or the boss announces the company is downsizing and your job is impacted, or your sister is diagnosed with breast cancer. These situations occur every day in real life. None of us exit this planet without experiencing our share of unplanned, unwanted stress related incidents.

What about the other type of stress, the self-imposed kind. The woman in the restaurant generated a stressful scene. I was nervous just watching her. She allowed her “Type A” personality to create an out-of-control reaction hell bent to overpower her dinner companion.

In her book, The Power of Patience, best-selling author MJ Ryan advises that our lady diner has company. Many individuals believe they “corner the market on the right way to be, and the rest of the world is wrong for not marching to the tune.” Ryan goes on to say there is a time to wait, and a time to act. I could not agree with her more.

There is an instant remedy to self-imposed stress. It’s called patience. Most of us are a work-in-progress when it comes to cultivating a calm and patient demeanor. What happens when someone hits our hot button? Just ask me, I know. I’m insanely punctual.

I once almost walked out on an appointment with my hair stylist because he was running late. Instead of using the down time to do some pleasure reading, I sat with smoke figuratively billowing out my ears. Giving into stress of our own making causes our muscles to tighten. Obsessing over the situation negates the ability to relax. Often we get caught up in negative head chatter. All this unconstructive activity can be avoided if we just learn the art of practiced patience.

You can achieve a state of serenity by ceasing to demand perfection from the world. In the example of my stylist, I should have considered his tardiness unavoidable. Surely he did not purposely plan to foil my schedule, something happened in his world to detain him.

One definition of patience is: the power to accept or tolerate delay. Ever find yourself jumping lines in the grocery store trying to determine how to place your cart in the fast lane? Yep. Consider me guilty of that crime too. Conversely, long lines are a great place to practice patience.

Gaining expertise at cultivating patience paves the way for dealing with the more important waits in your life. For example, in my career coaching practice, I advise clients unless the wolf is at the door; it is wise to wait for the RIGHT job offer. Compromising, by accepting a position unaligned with your goals, is futile. Dissatisfaction results and eventually the rigors of a second job search begins. Adopting the philosophy “it’s going to take as long as it takes” and practicing patience eliminates many hours spent dreading a job you dislike.

The same line of thinking applies to the hunt for a soul mate, or saving to purchase your dream home. Understand some life events don’t happen at warp speed just because we will it.

Today, tomorrow and forever, try practicing patience and take more time to savor the journey. Calculate the appropriate moments for action and identify those times when you should just chill and power up your patience button. By doing so, you will experience more joy and so will the world around you.

I live on a small lake and share the surrounding beauty with a variety of water fowl. Yesterday I delighted in watching a black swan perched on a rock. He balanced on one leg while enjoying the soft current cascading over his webbed foot. A small white egret-like bird stood less than two feet away as if in silent companionship. Both soaked in the sun’s rays, practicing silence and taking pleasure in the serene setting.

As I absorbed the simplicity of this tableau, it made me think of the path to happiness. Balance in life theoretically yields peace and contentment. But it’s the balance part we find so difficult to achieve! Many individuals fail to balance career and home life, relationships and commitments, downtime and party central. Much of my coaching practice is devoted to helping clients create the magic formula to win the balancing act.

Cracking the code on this dilemma is not as difficult as it seems. My “go to” strategies are simple and straight forward. For example, how does a young, single woman study for her CPA exam while trying to cram in dating, stellar work performance, family obligations and quiet time? Sounds daunting, I know, especially to her. It is doable, but requires organization and prioritization.  If earning her CPA designation is a priority, she must commit to it. Numerous hours must be devoted to study time. That means sacrifice, of course. Date nights, happy hours with friends and shopping excursions with her sisters must be limited. She needs to make peace with the fact that a rigorous study schedule is temporary. Once the exam is passed, she can resume the activities of choice, however, she cannot put those three letters behind her name without planning. The X in my equation equaling happiness is planning. To enjoy a balanced life, plan your days, your nights and weekends.

Wondering what composes the Y part of my equation? It involves our decision making process when others make demands on our time.  If you love college football and want nothing more than to spend a few leisure hours watching the Saturday line-up, you must learn to say no to the friend who implores you to go golfing.

Easier than is sounds? Yes. Standing on one leg may come naturally to our swan. Human beings require dedicated practice when it comes to planning and drawing boundaries. This week, keep working on my equation: Planning + setting boundaries = a happy balanced life.